Gone are the days

With Brooklyn’s nine month birthday just around the corner, I can’t help but feel a little like WHERE DID MY BABY GO?  Am I really going to have two toddlers soon? Or better yet, a toddler and a big boy?  When Wyatt turns four years old, I suppose I shouldn’t call him a toddler anymore. And then I start thinking – is this the last first tooth I will ever see on one of my children? Is this the last time I will witness a first step, or the last baby that will need me to rock her to sleep? IS this the last baby I can call a baby of my own? It kinda makes me sad in a way.  Trust me, after my two hours of sleep on Sunday night, i was singing a different tune.  But now, well and rested (five hours straight! Yipee!) I almost long for the infant stage back.  Because I may never have one of them again. It just goes TOO fast.  If it were up to me, and I could clone myself three times (one to go to work, one to stay at home and play with the kids, one to craft, and one to do chores-and we would all rotate duties) I would want lots more kids. Maybe not like the crazy people known as the Duggers, but more than two.  But with me and Chris working so much and barely getting time for everything currently in our lives, it’s hard to see how another child would fit into our current situation.  Plus, Chris has always wanted TWO KIDS. THAT’S IT. TWO.  I always ask him How can you know? How do you know that that’s the way you’ll feel in 5, even 10, years from now? He always responds That’s what I’ve always wanted. Besides, we have two beautiful, healthy children. We are lucky. So he makes a good point, I know.  But at 29 years old, I just can’t concede to being DONE with all those firsts.  Both of our kids are so freaking cute, and their personalities – OH BOY do they have personalities. Personalities that reach out, grab you, shake you a bit and leave you wanting more.

Maybe as my 30th birthday approaches I’m feeling a bit….hormonal?  But I actually lay in bed last night wishing that Brooklyn would go back to being a little baby again.  Before she learned to crawl, clap her hands, eat solid foods, and have mini melt downs.  And I could go back to getting up six times a night and rocking her and holding her without her squirming to get down and MOVE!  When she woke up last night at 3 am, I rushed into her room, picked her up and gave her a giant hug and kissed her all over her chubby little face.  She really just wanted a bottle, but I rocked and fed her with a tiny tear in my eye. She knew I needed a snuggle. See? Must be hormonal.

Maybe it’s because my sister-in-law is about to have a baby girl in December which will give them four children, and I think If they can do it, why can’t we? Then I remember thinking that they were CRAZY to want another one when their other three are so perfectly functioning on their own. All potty trained, all self-sufficient, all perfect.  I did have a newborn in our house when the YOU’RE CRAZY thoughts surfaced.  That’s a whole ‘nother type of hormonal there.

Maybe it’s because starting very soon, I will be going back to work full time (36 hours per week) and the thought is a little scary.  If we had another baby, pretty sure I’d want to try and be home more again.  And the daycare costs! Whoa.  Two is doable (barely). Three would be tough.  Did you know that having two kids in daycare costs somewhere between $12000 – $15000 per year?  How does someone making minimum wage afford this?  And that’s in North Dakota. I can’t imagine what it is in other parts of the country.  And the amount you can FLEX is only $5000.  Who came up with this number?  That doesn’t even cover one kid.  I guess Wyatt will be in kindergarten sooner than later. That’s a trip!  I will have a child in the public school system is less than two years! All of a sudden I feel old.  Too old to be wishing my baby would get up in the middle of the night just so I can hold her.

Maybe it’s because every time Brooklyn smiles at me with her one big chomper, I feel sad that toothless grins are gone.  Or when Wyatt smiles at me with all twenty-something of his chompers, I am shocked that I have a child old enough to have that many teeth.  Or when Wyatt tells me You’re not the boss! and I cringe trying not to react like a toddler myself saying YES I AM!, and I am happy to know that at least I have one that can’t talk back yet.  SOON THEY WILL BOTH BE SASSING ME! THEN WHAT WILL I DO?!?!?  I won’t have that little, sweet baby with the toothless grin to smile at me though my tears and make me happy to know that she won’t be naughty. Yet.

So to end this terribly sappy post that Chris will probably want me to delete….I thought I’d list some fun facts about our baby girl. Now that she is almost nine months old.

• She loves to smile and clap her hands.
• She has one big tooth on the bottom. Just one.
• She can get up on her hands and knees, but she just rocks in place.
• She can get around just fine by pulling with her arms and kicking her legs frantically behind her, although the legs do not help her movement one bit.
• She loves remote controls, phones, etc. just like her big brother did.
• When she sees me, she starts squealing and kicking and flailing her limbs in excitement. I love this.
• She still gets up for a night time bottle.  Hence the rolls on her thighs.
• Her favorite baby food is ORGANIC sweet potatoes and apples. Sure. Pick the expensive stuff. She must be mine.
• Her feet are so chubby, most brands of shoes don’t fit around her pudge.
• She wears dresses almost every day. I can’t help it.
• The other day she crawled OVER my legs when we were sitting on the floor. And landed on her head. Then smiled at me like, Look mom! I did it!
• Happy is the day when Wyatt is playing nicely with her. (Which, fortunately, are most days)
• She studies her brother with such intensity, and I fear she is going to be exactly like him.  Not a bad thing, just a little scary sometimes.

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